This is the third night in a row that I've been unable to rest peacefully. The re-occuring dreams of my Dad haunt me nightly. I love them so much, so very precious to me. But the waking up part is hard, because I can't bring him into reality with me.
With Father's Day fast approaching, I find myself upset and aggravated with all the greeting cards, commercials, and frequent reminders to show your Dad how much you care. I always loved Father's Day. I used to write my Dad a letter every year telling him just how much I loved and appreciated him, along with new slippers or a fishing license. My mom told me that my Dad kept every single letter/note I'd ever written him and actually went through and read them the week that he passed away. Knowing that he knew exactly how much I loved him gives me such peace. I wrote him a letter for Father's Day this year, I'm going to go somewhere alone that night and look up to the heavens and pour my soul out. Tell him just how special he was and is to me. It's been a year and a half and I still feel like my heart's broken.
This pregnancy has been kicking my ass. I can't remember ever being this emotional, and I mean ever. Jason's working a lot which means we don't see him often. Charlotte and I spend most of our days playing pretend, cleaning house and then destroying it, baking, watching kid flicks. She's gotten so big, so long, so tall! She's been cuddling me like it's going out of style lately. I think she knows something about me isn't quite right. I'm taking advantage of it all before I'm too big to cuddle her back without the belly between us. I feel so lucky to have such a wonderful little person like her to bring me such happiness and friendship. Now if only I could stop crying for 5 seconds. I promise you I'm laughing half the time. I'm not all tears and sadness, just this month.
My close friend Codi is getting married on Saturday. It's going to be so beautiful and terribly fun. She's marrying my friend Simon. They're perfect for each other in every way. I just cut Simon's hair last week to prepare for this weekend, and I have the upmost honor of doing Codi's hair for the wedding day. Tomorrow will consist of me packing a huge bag of hair supplies and trinkets to prepare for Saturday. She's going to make the most gorgeous bride.
So wish me luck and a great weekend. I'll post hopefully a very refreshed and uplifting blog on Monday.
Now, perhaps I can sleep just a little bit tonight.........
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